New Manager Essentials: A Practical Guide to Your First Months in Leadership
Here you are, a new manager. Congrats!
Perhaps, you’ve been an Individual Contributor (IC) for a while, patiently waiting for the right moment to step into an Engineering Manager (EM) role. You've studied management books, offered mentorship within the team, and mentally rehearsed various scenarios. And now the role is officially yours.
You're likely feeling proud and excited, and maybe a little anxious too. That’s a very human response. After all, our education and experience teaches us how to be great engineers, but management often comes with very little formal preparation.
In this blog post, I’ll walk through some of the early challenges I faced when transitioning into engineering management. Plus share a few practical approaches that helped me find my footing.
Think of it as a mix of reassurance and small things you can try right away.
First Things First: No Need to Have All the Answers Right Away
One of my biggest surprises when becoming a manager was how quickly my peers, teammates started looking to me for guidance on priorities and important decisions.
On my very first week as an EM, a peer asked me how we should prioritize a critical task and a stakeholder immediately sought my input on a strategic decision I hadn't yet considered. My initial reaction was mild panic: "Do I need to have opinions already?"
It can feel really overwhelming, and pressuring. So please remember: you have the right to slow things down and approach these questions realistically and collaboratively.
You don't have to rush into decisions when you are not fully informed or have an opinion yet. Instead, create space by being true to your experience:
"Hmm, I don’t have a complete opinion yet, and need some time to work through. Can I follow up on Friday?"
"Great question. I'd love to discuss this with the team first and see how we collectively want to approach it. When do you need this info from us?"
"We're actually working through this right now and your input would be really helpful. Want to explore it together?"
Taking this approach shifts your role from a decision-maker to facilitator of good decisions. It emphasizes groundedness, collaboration, and consensus-building from the very start. Because your primary responsibility as a manager isn’t to know it all, but it’s to help your team succeed at its mission.
Agreements > Expectations
Most engineers deeply value autonomy —I certainly did. One of my early worries when stepping into management was unintentionally coming across as a micromanager.
How can you give your team enough space for creative problem-solving while still meeting business goals? And how can you comfortably check in on progress without hovering?
Important and caring questions.
The key I learned here is leaning into clear agreements rather than relying on unspoken expectations. Agreements can be co-created and be motivating; expectations on the other hand tend to cause unnecessary stress and confusion.
For example, imagine one of your engineers often underestimates how long tasks will take, leading to frustration and delays. Instead of stepping in to take control, you can guide the conversation to collaborative agreements:
“Do you think we can commit to shipping this by Friday? What kind of support would help make that happen?”
“What parts of the work feel doable by Tuesday? Great, let’s commit to that. And if anything shifts, can you give me a heads-up a day in advance?”
Agreements create enormous focus and clarity. They’re not hard to reach if you stay curious and collaborative. And when people feel involved in defining the path, they often find creative ways to get there.
Similarly, if your team continues to struggle with estimation or breaking down tasks, you might also gently coach them with:
"What's the first small step we could take to kick this off?"
"That sounds like a lot. Would creating a short RFC help clarify things first? Here are a couple of people who could offer valuable input."
Taking this approach isn’t micromanaging; it’s facilitating good thinking, and co-creating clarity.
The more you practice this, the more your team will start to internalize the habit of thinking in steps, seeking input early, and setting realistic expectations without you needing to prompt it every time.
This is how autonomy actually grows: not by stepping back entirely, but by being present in a way that supports ownership and fosters trust.
Making 1:1s Feel Human and Genuinely Valuable
1:1s can feel a bit awkward at first, especially when you’re managing former peers. In my experience, naming this really helps ease the transition for both sides. You might say:
“I realize this might feel a bit strange at first. How can we make this easy on us?”
“I’d love to hear how we can best partner together to support the team, especially now that I’ll have a different kind of context.”
“Now that I’m in this role, I’d love to help make your work more visible. How can I support you in that?”
Similarly, sometimes conversations might also feel rather quiet or surface-level with your teammates. You might be eager for people to open up quickly and talk about what’s really going on but that takes time. Until then, lean into your human curiosity. There’s nothing more powerful than your full, present attention to someone.
Try simple, genuine questions you are interested in:
“You mentioned going to the movies last weekend. How was it?”
“I saw you helped out on that other initiative. How did that go?”
“What should we talk about today that would make this meeting insightful to you? “
One helpful practice to try is co-creating your 1:1 agenda. Use a shared doc where both you and your report can add topics throughout the week. It gives them space to bring up what matters most, and helps you make the most of the time together especially if something's been on their mind.
Even if nothing is added, you can still use the doc to jot down notes or agreements. It’s a small habit that builds trust, reflection, and continuity over time.
Lastly, You’re Allowed to Block Time to Think
Yes, you are. Because now, your calendar will likely fill up quickly; 1:1s, stakeholder meetings, syncs you didn’t even know existed. It might feel like there’s no time left to do the deep work. But please know that you can, in fact, you should create that time.
One of the best practices I adopted early on was blocking out regular focus time each week. For me, Wednesdays were a “no-meeting day”. It was just space to think, review work, and dive into the challenges that have been on my mind.
I even added an auto-response to meeting invites that may land on that day:
"I block this day each week to deeply focus on creatively solving our team's and organization's challenges. It makes me a better manager and a better engineer. Would it be possible to find another time? Appreciate your patience."
Stating it clearly helps others understand and respect your boundaries, and often inspires them to do the same. Self-leadership is part of your leadership skills. And protecting your energy is part of making your team sustainable, too.
Closing thoughts
Becoming a manager is a big shift even if you are prepared for it. And often, it's just the beginning. It’s normal to feel a little wobbly at first in your actions, and your meetings. Please remember this is a practice.
You can’t be the best manager you want to be on day one, but you can show up with your full willingness and commitment to learn.
If you give yourself permission to grow at your own pace, and keep showing up with care and curiosity, you’ll be amazed at where you are in six months. And in a year? You won’t believe how far you’ve come.
So take the pressure off. You’re already on your way, enjoy the journey.
