What “managing up“ really means: A Practical Guide to Working with Your Manager

Managing up might sound like corporate language. Something only senior people or managers in big companies need to think about. But it’s something most of us do, consciously or not, as part of our everyday work.

At its simplest, managing up means working with your manager in a way that makes collaboration easier. It is a collaboration skill. You don’t need to be best friends. You just need enough trust, and enough structure, to work side by side.

I’ve always had some ease with this even before I had the words for it. But it wasn’t until I stepped into a management role that I started to notice it more clearly.

Now, I was the one people were managing up to. And I saw how tricky it could be, not because people didn’t care, but because they weren’t always sure what was “enough.” Or they were feeling the pressure of power dynamics.

They sometimes waited for big moments. They held back from sharing what was unclear. I’ve consistently coached my team to do this more often, because I wanted them to know they could rely on me.

Because I believe trust and autonomy are the key ingredients of high-performing teams.

In this blog post, I’ll share a few examples and practical insights that might help you build a more supportive and clear relationship with your manager —whether you’re an engineer (individual contributor, IC), or an engineering manager (EM) just starting out, or already deep into your career.

Foundation: Meeting enough and consistently

I wholeheartedly believe the foundation of all this is trust. And trust needs time. And contact.

Regular Contact Points - 1:1s

We’re social beings, working in sociotechnical environments. That means we need to stay in touch. Not just to get work done, but to actually enjoy it too.

In my experience, trust rarely shows up all at once. It builds slowly, through small, ordinary moments. And for those moments to add up, we need to keep showing up. Even when there isn’t much to say.

Maybe especially when things feel quiet, so there’s space to actually connect.

That’s what regular 1:1s are for. They’re often used for sharing updates or solving problems. Which I think is a bit of an anti-pattern —your team should already have some space for that. But that’s a topic for another blog post.

I believe it’s more important to talk about how things are feeling. What’s unclear. What patterns you’re starting to notice.

If you already have regular check-ins, that’s great. If you want them but don’t have them yet, it’s okay to ask for that space. It’s your right to have it.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re in a 10-person startup or a 5,000-person org. What matters is making time to connect.

Over time, I’ve seen that people become more of themselves when they know they can show up as they are and be received. That alone is a sign of a trust-based relationship. Because authenticity doesn’t happen without it.

Use Your Manager to Make Decisions For You

There’s often this idea that the more independent we are, the more senior we seem. And yes, doing things on your own is part of growing. But being senior means knowing when to bring others in, especially when a decision might shift direction or momentum.

I get it though. It can also feel vulnerable to bring something to your manager. You might worry that you’re being too much, or not enough. You want to seem competent. I’ve felt that too.

But I’ve also seen people move forward on something for weeks, only to realise later that it didn’t really matter. That can be very frustrating —for both you and your manager.

Both as an IC and EM, what’s helped me a lot is to look at my options first, and then share them with my manager. Something like:

“I’ve been thinking about A and B. I’m leaning toward A because of X, but I’d love your input. What do you think would be more impactful right now?”

Let them decide. That’s part of their role. 

And when you do this, you’re showing that you care. That you’ve done your thinking. And that you’re open to deciding together.

It doesn’t make you less capable. It means you’re using the partnership you have.

Frankly, I think this might be one of the most valuable skills in managing up.

Your manager will appreciate it. You’ll feel less alone. And you’ll be choosing what’s actually important to the business, not just what feels urgent at the moment.

It’s a win-win. (perhaps a win-win-win.)

Show What They Might Not Have Time to See — Write It Down

Even good managers won’t see everything you’re doing. And that’s not a problem. It’s just how things are. People have different responsibilities, and attention shifts sometimes.

I’ve found that writing things down really helps. At the end of each week or month—whatever rhythm works for you—I take a few minutes to note what I worked on.

When I was an IC, I did this bi-weekly sycned with our sprints.

When I moved into a management role, I shifted to weekly because there were more things pulling at my attention, and I needed to stay grounded in what actually mattered.

This isn’t only about visibility. It’s first and foremost for you. To track your progress. To reflect. To notice what’s working. To kudos yourself.

I believe growth happens slowly and intentionally —and this helps you to see it.

I highly recommend Julia Evan’s a brag document guideline. I encouraged my whole team to try it, and most of them really enjoyed looking back at what they had built over time.

It also makes performance reviews easier, both for you and for your manager.

Bring the Full Picture If You’re Overwhelmed (Yes, Write It Down)

It’s hard to be helped if all you can say is “I’m overwhelmed,” or “We need more people.” Sometimes that’s all you feel, and that’s completely valid. A good manager could help you unpack that. But you can also try to process this on your own first.

So, try writing it down.

• What are the things you’re doing right now? Where is your time going?  Just brain dump.

• What’s falling behind?

• What’s at risk if things stay the same?

It doesn’t need to be long. A quick list or a few bullet points is enough. Do this even if you don’t know what the solution is yet. It will help you feel more grounded going into the conversation.

After getting everything out into a document, I would often share it with my manager ahead of our meeting. That gave them time to read it, and then we’d use the meeting to talk through options.

You can say something like:
“Here’s what I’ve been spending time on. Here’s what’s slipping. I feel quite stretched, and need help moving forward. I’m not sure what the best path forward is, what do you think of these?”

It invites collaboration, and it gives your manager something they can actually respond to. And again, it shows that you care. Because you do.

Start Alignment Early Especially If You Are an EM

When a new quarter is coming up, I’ve always found it helpful to start the conversation early.

When I was managing a team, I’d ask my team these three things to brainstorm for an hour:

• What did we feel good about last quarter? 

• What did we lack? 

• And what ideas do we want to push next?

Then I’d say: “I’ll take this and think through what’s most aligned with the business.”

After that, I’d do my own prioritisation. Before writing the OKR draft down, I’d check in with my manager in a quick meeting to share where I saw focus, what we might need to let go of, and where the team’s energy was going.

Their input helped me adjust. And it made the final plans feel like a shared understanding, not a surprise.

This way, my manager would also back me up when they are reviewing my OKR doc, and when responding to other’s comments. 

I think of this step as translating between layers; what the team sees and feels, and what the business needs. 

If you are a manager who is reading this. It’s an important part of the job worth taking seriously.

Ask to Be Included Where It Helps

There are often conversations where just being present can give you useful context. You don’t always have to speak, sometimes just listening is enough to shift your understanding. Or maybe there’s someone outside your team who could help with a challenge you’re working through.

It’s okay and encouraged to ask:

“Would it make sense for me to join that discussion? I think it might help me understand what’s coming.”

Or:

“Who else should I connect with to make this work smoother? Who’s thinking about similar problems?”

Sometimes, just one good relationship can completely change how your work flows. And your manager—or other seniors on your team—can often help you make those connections more easily than you could on your own especially if you are new in the team or in the project.

Closing Thoughts

If you take just two things from this post, let them be these: Meet regularly, and get better at writing.

Writing is the skill that’s made me feel most productive both as an IC and as a manager. Mainly for these two reasons:

• It helps me make sense of what’s going on, in a way that thinking alone often doesn’t.

• It helps others see where my thinking is so they can meet me there.

Try it out. See how it feels. And let me know how it goes. :)